Tag Archives: couples

Valentine’s Special Part 3 – Making a Future Together

Making a future together as a couple and as a family starts one day at a time, one routine at a time.  These don’t have to be huge performances to mean something and create memories.  The everyday routines and rituals couples have together are how they connect in small steps that lead to a lifetime of satisfaction and health.  Do your routines include each other?  Having separate routines is necessary to take care of yourself but in a couple relationship there must be routines and rituals that include each other and if there are kids, additional routines that include all members of the family.  These would be some examples: Continue Reading

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Valentine’s Special Part 2 – Understanding Your Partner’s Feelings

I’m watching the Olympics pairs skating with my wife right now.  They skate so perfectly, in unison, making it look easy and strong and graceful.  All of these incredible moves and they’re both kicking their legs at the same time, spinning together, parting and returning to each other with sensual embraces.  The passion and intensity.  They both look healthy, rested and fit.  The commentators are in awe, “Look at that elevation, it’s absolutely fantastic!  Here’s their rotation – PERFECT!  Watch their emotion and connection with each other – it’s dazzling!” Lovely bows and kisses to the cheering crowd.  Leaving the ice with roses thrown at their feet.  And, all in HD.  But this one Olympic performance did not include the years of hard work, the training, the cost, the highs and lows and disappointments in self and each other.  That’s why I also enjoy the side stories on the athletes and what their real life is like.  This is easier to identify with.  Instead of perfect feelings we see they’re human just like us.  But understanding each other’s feelings does not have to be complex. Continue Reading

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Valentine’s Special (3-part series) – #1 The Couple Friendship

This is Valentine’s week so we’ll be looking at three parts of a successful relationship:  friendship, emotions, and making a future together.   Let’s start with friendship.   (This information was adapted from Dr. John M. Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman, Bridging the Couple Chasm, 2000-2011).

We all have stress throughout the day and week.  How we handle that affects us in our relationship.  Couples that greet each other several times a week and talk about the events of the day tend to be less lonely and are able to create buffers to their stresses.  How about the romantic spark in each other?  Humor?  Feeling heard and understood?  Dropping your guard?  Picture coming home to your castle and taking off the armor.  This is comforting, reconnects us, and makes us allies.  Talking about the events of the day also calms and prepares us to face together the demands of kids who are bringing home a busload of stress themselves.  Committed couples can even do this from a distance when one is out of town, just simply touching base with each other and giving support.  Difficulty here can cause us to feel vulnerable to the stresses we face and result in feeling disconnected from each other, disliking each other, and feeling lonely. Continue Reading

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