Author Archives: Dean Wisdom

10 Easy Fundamentals of Child Discipline

10 Easy Fundamentals of Child Discipline

 

These ten fundamentals of child discipline just might save you the next time you lose your cool with your kids.  In working with many parents and children I feel parents need some essentials in their parenting tool box when it comes to how to discipline your kids.  Be patient with yourself.  Hang in there, like you, I can only do one at a time.

1. Discipline is about training instead of punishing.

Most adults don’t have fond memories of being punished.   We do have positive memories when parents spoke to us lovingly and tried to help us. A good personal trainer has a plan for you and knows your strengths and limits. They reinforce those strengths but work and push you appropriately to develop your limits and push beyond them. Parenting is very similar. Our kids have great character strengths and flaws as well. A few questions to ask yourself when your child gets into trouble are: Is this because of one their weaknesses? And if so, how can I both encourage them and help them improve in that area? Also, how can I approach their problem in a new way they do not anticipate to foster more growth?

2.  Correction is about how to live life rather than shaming.

When we shame our kids for messing up it can be taken personally deep into their unconscious where it affects their self-identity. But when it comes to kids we have to remember that they only have a fraction of their executive brain developed compared to us adults. So, no, they don’t know a lot. They mess things up and use things and objects in the home, yard and school the wrong way. Correction offers your adult brain to bond with their immature one to correct and teach how things are done. “Honey, here’s how we load the dishwasher to get as many in there as we can.  Oh, and let’s get those green beans out.”

3.  Reprimand is about teaching accountability starting with me first.

When we make a choice we are committed – no one else can be blamed. The best teaching on accountability is from the wise old saint… you. I hope there is at least one thing my kids have learned from me and that is to apologize. Because I have made so many mistakes in my parenting, and no one else is to blame but me. It’s on my account, not someone else’s. When my kids see me take accountability across the board in my personal life, family life, and professional life, they have the model of how to be accountable themselves. This humility makes the perfect context to teach them the same things.

4.  Insight is about motives and feelings.

Can we really learn if we don’t understand? Understanding takes concentrated seeing and listening. And insight is connecting the personal dots over my motives of why I did or did not do something. This is how motives are refined, improved, and matured. This one is so critical according to the developmental age of the child. Older children do better thinking through their motives and how to improve them. This is because it takes abstract thought which begins somewhere around the ages of 9-12.  We can help our children grow in their insight by sharing our own personal challenges when we were their age and how we realized how we felt at that time.  Also, by talking a bit more on the emotional hues and shades in the different characters from the stories they read and even see on tv.

5.  Consistency is King – inconsistency is a discipline process built on sand.

Know this for certain: when you decide to discipline your kids you will be tested. And when you decide to be consistent that itself will be tested as well. Here’s what consistency means. Consistency means that something around here matters! It yells, “GET THA MESSAGE!”

Consistency in child discipline is huge.  Without it, kids just won’t believe we’re serious.  It will be very hard to teach the more complex and critical values your family believes in when you have not been consistent on the simplest of responsibilities in the household.

6.  Consequences really are not unless they have teeth.

Why do we need consequences? Because it is an instructive tool. When all our kids lost dessert and candy for a week because one of them left a single candy wrapper on the floor they quickly learned that they better corral each other because if not they would all get the same consequence. Amazing, candy wrappers started going in the trashcan.  By “having teeth” I don’t mean abusive/harsh/rough/physical.  Kids just need to know that we are intentional and serious when we discuss choices and consequences.

7.  United we stand – divided we lose.

Here is another test: between mom and dad. It is universal and natural that your kids will test you both on where you stand on issues in the home. All kids do this. They play you. Question: are you being played? How is this making your spouse feel? What matters is supporting your spouse in front of your kids. Differences in parenting are not to be worked out in front of the kids; they need to see you backing up each other. If you don’t they will later disrespect you for it. When we are united as a couple in our marriage we show that our spouse is important and valued and honored. Don’t tread on us.

8.  Relatives need to affirm and support our parenting – not get in the middle.

I love it when I hear my in-laws and extended family tell my kids, “Listen to your dad/mom,” or “go ask your dad/mom.” This continues to send the message to our kids that there’s no getting around mom and dad. As fun as relatives are, even they should back up the parents. Are your personal extended family members getting in the way? It’s time to set some boundaries. You set boundaries with your side of the family; your spouse sets boundaries with their side.

9.  Discipline is loving and respectful – not aggravating and resentful.

Our bodies are wired in such a way that we unconsciously pick up the vibe from each other just before we actually register anything consciously. We sense each other’s emotional states, moods, and even motives. Kids also do this without understanding it. If being loving isn’t a natural reflex for you with a certain child then plan ahead for it in your day. Like waking up or coming home and anticipating any possible conflicts with a certain child and intentionally focusing on love toward that particular child. This will help reduce your stress level.

10.  Discipline is intentional – not reactive.

It is different to seek out your child in the house to help them learn to follow through on what you expect rather than to catch them and prove how irresponsible they are. When I was a young teen I had my own lawn mowing business. It sometimes annoyed me but my dad would sometimes come to my houses and check to be sure that I swept the sidewalks. Yes, this was during the prehistoric era when we used brooms and did not have blowers. He caught any speck of grass I missed and would gently point them out. Today. I. Am. Very. Thorough. Thanks, Dad!

 

Which one of these fundamentals do you need to work on this week?  Please leave us a comment, I’d love to hear from you.

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A Sure-Fire Way to Help Kids Resolve Fights

Need parenting tips on how to handle sibling rivalry?  My own recent experience will hopefully shed some light on this common parenting trap.

It was a weekend when was thinking through all the errands I had to run later that day and how to max the drive to get the most done in the shortest amount of time while at the same moment pulling a pair of my daughters clothes right-side out to spray the spots and toss it into the washer when it happened.  “Dad!!!!  SHE (pointing a finger) doesn’t want to play by the rules and we were on the trampoline FIRST!!!!”  “Na-uh!!  YOU always exclude me when your friends come over!!  You treat me different when THEY’RE around!!  It’s not fair!!!”.

They’re coming to me for justice and to make the other one do or not do something.  But I really want them to start handling some of these conflicts themselves and show more maturity and responsibility.  Can you relate?  Here are some steps on how to do this:

First, when kids are upset and emotional they can’t problem-solve rationally.  The executive functions of their young brains are not as developed and experienced as adults so children naturally are more emotional and reactive to stress and disappointment.  One well-intentioned error we often make as parents is to expect that our kids will understand when we rationalize with them on issues.  But this often does not work.  That’s why validating emotions is a first step to helping kids start to think through what is going on.

So, help them calm down for a few minutes.  Oftentimes it is helpful to separate kids so they can clear their emotions some.  Show empathy to them one-on-one.  I try to do this by stopping whatever I am doing for a minute or two, looking them in the eye, even getting down on one knee to be eye-level with them, and saying things like, “You feel ____,” “When _____ happened it made you feel ____.”  We can also show we are listening by removing our own stress and reaction to their upset feelings.

Second, when they are both calmed down, bring them back together and start by asking some open-ended questions like:

“What do you think the solution could be?”

“What ideas can you two come up with to help solve this problem?”

“How can you both work this out?  What is a good compromise?”

Try and help them remain objective and avoid any personal attacking.  If that continues then they may need to have a longer break until the emotions pass.  Sometimes kids just need an adult mind to guide them in the process and stick to the subject.

Finally, praise them when they come up with a solution.  “Wow!  Look at you two! You figured that out all on your own!”  If your day is busy and it slips your mind you can always bring this back up during dinner and kids love being praised to other parent.

One important point to remember.  Like many other parenting issues, this will take time.  Learning new behaviors and ways of problem-solving take time for children because of their immaturity and youth.  But the earlier parents start the better outcomes they may have as children grow up.

I also feel that if I balance my own growth with theirs it helps with my own patience.  For me this is my reactions to their conflicts with each other.  And it’s really the same process for me:  calming myself, thinking of how I can help them find solutions, and praising myself when I do well.

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How to Parent a Difficult Child

For the next 8 weeks Kelsey Chomik and I will be helping you figure out how to respond to those difficult sibling rivalries with your kids. It might be about a fight over a toy, who is faster, or who gets more attention. Whatever the situation we are here to walk along side you to help.

In this first part we will be discussing how to handle different kinds of kids when a conflict starts between them.

Jen wakes up to get dressed and get the kids going for school. She follows pretty much the same routing each morning: say ‘Morning’ to her husband Brad, pet the dog and let her out again, and pour her cup of coffee. She heads upstairs to wake Ben, (10) Jackson (9), and Emily (6). And just like her routine it seems the kids have gotten into their own routine: as soon as Jackson realizes that Ben got out of bed first, already has his clothes on and to the potty first Jackson starts in with, “Ben! I was there first! Mom! Ben cut in front of me and pushed me! He always does that!” And deep down Jen knows this is the start of a bad day for Jackson and that makes her feel bad.

Jen wished she knew how to handle situations between her boys but especially it worries her because it’s getting hard to understand what’s wrong. When Jacks was little she thought his moods were just normal for a toddler, but now in 3rd grade it seems to be getting worse. Everything she and Brad have tried doesn’t seem to work.

It is often hard for us parents to understand how to help our child. Kids often don’t understand themselves simply because the executive part of their brain used for problem-solving isn’t fully developed just yet.

What kids need is to feel understood. When they feel understood by their parents they are in a better position to understand their own feelings. This will help them make better choices and here is why. When kids live together it brings a lot of good things but also a host of natural problems – like getting to the potty first instead of having to wait when you need to go. When problems occur because of another sibling they become something that child can’t control because other kids are unpredictable and have their own will. Kids can quickly start to feel locked into the power struggle with the other child and feel like there is no way out. To make matters worse, they start to think it will always be this way. And if parents don’t help just the right way then they become another source of frustration.

Jen found herself starting to dread going upstairs. Each morning it was something different. Then she started pleading, sometimes yelling, and always getting stressed out herself. She tried to get Brad to get them awake but he tended to over-react to Jackson so that did not work either. Compounded was the fact that when the kids came home from school she knew it would only ramp up the same conflicts but over different things. So now her day was getting preoccupied with dreading picking the kids up.

So here are some things she and Brad started to do to try and help Jacks feel more understood.

At bedtime each night Brad started to spend about 5 minutes extra talking with both boys about their next day. He gave Jacks the responsibility to check the weather on his iPad before bed to know what to wear the next day. He also let Jacks come up with the idea of what to wear, “What do you think Jacks? What’s the weather supposed to do tomorrow? What should you guys wear?”

That made Jacks feel he was contributing and important to how the family worked.

It was also an early lesson to watch for Jacks trying to tell Ben what to wear and to help Jacks let Ben make his own decisions. That made Ben feel respected too.

Brad also helped them plan for any specials class or recess time they wanted special shoes, socks or clothing for.

The boys especially liked talking about after school tomorrow and what they would like to do before dinner. This ‘planning ahead’ behavior stimulates the executive functions of the brain and helps kids become better at anticipating issues and problems and planning for them.

Lastly at night, Brad would bring up the morning issue but frame it non-judgmentally, to be as objective as possible even though it was very personal between Jackson and Ben. Something like this, “I know there has been a challenge with who gets to the potty first. What do you guys think? What kinds of ideas can you guys come up with to solve that problem?” It is so important here to validate both sides of an issue and the feelings kids have without making either feel inferior.

When parents do this it helps kids understand their sibling better too and their idiosyncrasies and personality preferences. Kids start to learn how they can help their brother or sister when they see them upset.

This is where dads have to do a good job giving all ideas equal value and merit along with a good sense of humor. “I like the idea of putting a second toilet in the closet – that would make it real close. You could put your shirt on and go at the same time!”

When the boys came up with a workable solution Brad praised them and reinforced that they came up with solution all by themselves. At bedtime he lets Jen know how it went.

Next morning comes. Brad is off to work early and Jen is on her way upstairs. When the boys execute their plan Jen acknowledges how they are following through on their own. If they get past the power struggle over the pot she praises them later on. Even at dinner parents can go over how well kids did in the morning.

Jen and Brad and their kids don’t ride off into the sunset. This is not a fix and everything is a snap from this forward. What it does do, however, is re-connect parent and child through felt understanding. Instead of pushing and pulling a child to change and shape up or ‘Be like Ben’ it promotes understanding of how they are feeling, supports their equality and dignity in finding solutions to problems, and increases their self-confidence.

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Understanding Your Spouse or Significant Other

What would happen in your marriage if you understood your partner?

Being understood is one of the primary longings we have in marriage.  We wish our partner would understand what we think and why, how we feel, and what our hopes and dreams are.  But sometimes in the process of living a busy life together we end up functioning well as a couple (paying the bills, getting groceries, running the errands) but not feeling understood in the most important areas of our personal lives.

What is understanding, anyway?  This is one of those subjective things that many people only qualify when they feel it.  “He gets me,” “she understands me,” “he knows me so well,” “she’s got me tagged.”  You know when you feel understood by someone and when you don’t it can feel like something is missing.

Here are 3 Keys to better understanding:

  1. What is the core point your partner is trying to get across?  Understanding is not agreeing.  You can understand your partner’s position or conviction about something and still freely have a different perspective.  But what is their perspective?  If you restated their perspective would they say you got it?  But understanding goes farther – it is understanding why they have the position in the first place.  This is where your spouse feels like you not only understand them but that you have their back.  Understanding your partner is the starting point to being the strongest advocate.  And having an advocate feels good.
  2. What is important to them might not be important to you.   But that shouldn’t matter.  Partnership means just that – two interests together into a combined unity.  Unity does not remove individual insights and interests.  It provides a safe place for them to grow.  When you understand what is important to your partner and that begins to figure in your decision-making in the family you will gain more cooperation and compatibility from them than you could ever imagine.  They begin to feel like you have their interests in mind because you do.
  3. Making them feel important.  When we understand our partner’s core perspective on things and value what is important to them they feel like they are important to you.  This is so critical because a chief complaint among conflicting couples is that they no longer feel like they are a priority to their spouse.  And trying to buy flowers on top of the other person not feeling important will get you nowhere.

We have incredible opportunities every day to understand our partner, value their perspective, and make them feel important.  What will you do to show you understand them today?

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What Would Happen in Your Marriage if You Really Forgave?

This is Part I of a 3-part series Titled “What Would Happen in Your Marriage if…”

If you really forgave what would happen in your marriage?  Well, if you forgave a single incident or event would it really stick?  Would it really matter in your marriage?  Would it have an effect?

How about this.

What if you really forgave?  Forgiving single and isolated incidents almost has a taste of superiority to it.  You have to ask yourself if your forgiving there really draws you back to your spouse and reconnects you or does it just ingratiate them to you temporarily until the next offense.  Then the accounting of forgiving begins.  Reminding them how many times you gave them a break.

You want things to be better with your spouse, more connected, more happy.  Becoming a forgiving person is something we all really long for – to be able to go off duty, not keep score, to really see and address the wrong with authenticity and directness but with the intent of forgiveness.

What Forgiveness is not

1.  Forgiveness does not fear.  Being afraid to face what is really going on in your relationship and labelling it “forgiveness” will not remove the problem but likely make it worse.  Chaos, confusion, and deception breed in the fertile ground of fear.  One way to test this is to see if your forgiveness brings more clarity to a situation or more confusion.

2.  Forgiveness is not isolated.  A characteristic of abuse is isolating the person so they have no social support from family or friends.  If you have something to forgive I would think your close family and friends probably know and understand.  But if you have been isolated this causes more problems that forgiveness will not solve.

3.  Forgiveness is not waiting.  What are you waiting for?  If forgiveness is in your hand what is keeping you from extending it?  Or is it really a conditional forgiveness and so you’re waiting for the conditions to be met before you forgive?

What Forgiveness is

1.  Forgiveness is eye-to-eye contact.  It is direct.  We know so many things by looking people in the eye.  This seems to address the wrong as well as the sincerity to let it go.

2.  Forgiveness is connected.  It reconnects you with the one who hurt you.  It hits the restart button.  However, some people do have trouble accepting forgiveness.  But on your end it can help you love better.  The other part of connected here is that anyone else familiar with the situation is often positively affected when you forgive.

3.  Forgiveness is active.  Go.  Forgive.  It ends the brooding.  The resentment.  The past.  It restarts today.  Somehow there is this internal emotional, mental, spiritual, physical feeling of building up such that you can’t stand the issue anymore and you must let go of resentment and go and forgive.

What could really happen in your marriage if you started becoming a forgiving person? 

On Wednesday:  What would happen in your marriage if you understood?

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It’s Time for a Fresh Start: Becoming a Blended Family

by Cian L. Brown

What comes to your mind when you think blended family? A “blended family” is a family that does not represent what previously was considered a “nuclear” family; this looked like the traditional family model in America several decades ago. You know, the one with the retro colored mom, dad, sis, and brother with the family pet standing on the front lawn captured with smiles and hands waving in the Pleasantville society. While the nuclear family still exists, the “blended” family population grows in modern society.

A “blend” is when non-traditional cultural ties are made between sub-groups. The most common blended families are step-; however I use the term to represent multiracial, single parent, step-, same sex couple families, and families with adopted children. I personally have experienced being raised in a blended family that consisted of half-siblings, step-parents, and step-siblings. I have several close relations with individuals who have experienced being in a blended family that looks very different from my blended family. Ultimately, there is a high need to understand what creating a blended family means and the impact it has on forming new relationships.

Relationships can be tough and take work without children in the mix, so blending families can be a long growing process that must be handled with careful deliberation and intention. First, it’s important a foundation is set between the couple. Often, I have worked with spouses/couples who haven’t confronted the only influence their upbringing has impacted them and created their cultural perception. This consists of values, interests, expectations, beliefs, etc. As the primary relationship, you will be each other’s support and for the entire family unit. Establish a network of security, which provides a safe environment for relationships to flourish. It takes patience, discipline, and trust to build this structure.

Each person in the family structure is trying to define themselves to a role. A common question is “how do I ‘fit’ into this family”. Communicate with respect to everyone. Connect emotionally and learn how to love each person uniquely. Allowing others to set the pace and not apply pressure assists in creating this safe environment. Some of the most difficult challenges are “rule setting”, what is acceptable and expected in one household or family differs from another. It is imperative children are provided with clear expectations that are met with structure and consistency. Offer encouragement, set boundaries and limits, and most importantly take time for self-care and maintaining the spousal relationship. This requires dedication and commitment, even if it means to forgive and repair after those difficult disagreeable moments.

The most common struggles we face as blended families are the relationships we create, even when they don’t seem to exist or begin to fail. The longing to be understood and eliminate the disconnection in our communication, emotional and cognitive awareness, and the role we carry with intention to change.

To learn more about how your family or relationship can benefit and grow to flourish contact Wisdom Professional Counseling for a free 15 minute consultation.

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Drawing Lines in the Sand

by Kristin Goodwin

Does this sound familiar… you wake up on a rainy morning and instantly, dread seeps in. You start thinking about your jerk of a boss that will pile a million and one things onto your to-do list today, most of which aren’t even in your job description. Then after work you have plans with a “friend” who spends the whole time talking about herself and her problems, all without once asking how you’re doing (despite the tired look on your face and the fact that your shoes don’t match because you spent the morning taking care of your kids and didn’t leave enough time for yourself). You finally arrive home, only to be met with housework that wasn’t done by any of the other 4 family members living in the same house. Some may read this and say, “Wow, what a complainer. I would hate to be around her too”. However, when I read this all I hear is the need for better boundary setting skills.

Lots of us have difficulty setting AND holding appropriate boundaries. For some of us it’s easiest to have boundaries with our friends, others it’s hardest to have with our families. Many struggle setting boundaries with their supervisors and co-workers.  Let me sum it up by saying, boundary setting is an incredibly challenging thing to do, but not impossible! I outlined a few important guidelines on setting healthy and appropriate boundaries:

1. Allow others (and yourself) the grace of “natural consequences”. If I had received a check in the mail for every time I overspent, I would have never learned how to live within my means. Your 16 year old who always waits until the night before to complete a project isn’t learning anything by you staying up all night to finish the project for him. What he is learning is that he never has to truly experience consequences because mom does it for me. Furthermore, your teaching yourself and everyone around you that your time and wants don’t matter as much as everyone else’s and that’s ok with you (which I’m sure it’s not).

2. Focus on the “I”, not “them”. Whenever I talk with people about boundary setting, inevitably the conversation becomes “I feel selfish for setting the boundary” or “I don’t want this to offend them.” We aren’t drawing these boundaries for them; we’re doing it for us. We worry that our humanly limits will hurt someone else’s feelings when in reality, overstretching ourselves puts those around us in harm’s way because it’s impossible to keep up.

3. Boundaries aren’t for offending people, they’re for protecting you. Healthy and appropriate boundaries don’t hurt, control or attack anyone. They protect you from being taken advantage of, intentional or not. It’s likely really uncomfortable saying no when a friendly co-worker asks you to finish their part of the work project so that they can leave early to spend time with their boyfriend. Your co-worker may seem disappointed. They may even be rude towards you. However, setting this boundary does not cause hurt, nor does it control someone else, it simply protects you.

A really helpful resource for learning when to say yes and how to say no is ‘Boundaries’ by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It breaks down what boundaries are (and aren’t), conflicts that arise when setting boundaries and how to develop healthy boundaries with friends, family, work, yourself and God. If you or someone you care about struggles with boundaries, I highly recommend this read.

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Sunday Morning

We ended up staying home today because one of the girls was sick last night with a fever and tummy ache.  I blew up the air mattress so she could sleep in our room incase she woke up and needed us. My wife Jill took her to a local ER place this morning and found out she had strep — not fun.  But she has some meds now and the fever subsided at least temporarily.

Our schedule was empty for the rest of the day so it has been relaxing.  It’s sunny outside but up until now the girls have been playing inside.  My wife Jill is getting some things organized in the house which makes her life better.  I’m doing some reading and writing in the study.  So far, our four girls have come to me a least two dozen times and it is still the afternoon.  Let’s see:  an argument about a sister wearing something of the other without asking, having to do a chore together but one sister is not doing her part, one yelling at the other and other being sassy back, “Can we stay in our pajamas all day?”, and more.  Now, they’re playing from upstairs and down through the rest of the house.  Shrieks of laughter, ribbing each other, running, slamming doors, sneaking around with some crying in there too.  I usually have mixed success on how well I respond to these returns to me.

A child returning to their parent is an important attachment experience that repeats itself every day even into early adulthood.  The parent is the secure base from which the child ventures out in their world to experience and then return to help them regulate — that is, get in order their emotions, thoughts, physical reactions, and develop a healthy identity and world view.  How the parent responds influences several developmental factors for a child.

Isn’t it funny that our kids barge in when we’re naked?  I’m getting ready this  morning and it is “Dad…,”  “Dad…,” “Dad…,”.  And it is right there where kids learn about issues such as fairness and “are you going to take care of my needs when my sister has on my shirt without asking me?”  It didn’t matter I was in my birthday suit, what matters is:  do you care dad?  That shirt is mine which is code for me.  “Yes, Dad, as you’re naked please make this right and let me know life will be fair and I will always be treated with dignity.”  Geez, and I was just focused on relieving razor burn with some aftershave lotion.

You know, life is like this.  Children are like this.  And the demand to respond often leaves me feeling pretty naked and vulnerable because I don’t have all the answers and I wish I could but I can’t make your sister treat you nice.  But I can let you know I’m sorry that is happening and ask what you think the solution could be.  Ok, now where is my aftershave lotion?

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How to Communicate with Your Spouse

How to communicate with your spouse is a must-have for couples. Poor communication breeds mistrust. There are three principles that will improve talking with your spouse.

1) Non-verbal communication is important. Non-verbal communication is our posture, eye gazing, facial reactions, and tone of voice.   It’s how we feel towards each other – our affect.  In every interaction we are reading each other.  We have this amazing network of nerves in our body called the Vagus nerve.  It connects different parts of the organs and brain as well as facial muscles.  When we talk with each other our bodies are reading all this information at the same time.  This is where our gut instinct can tell us that something is off between what is said and what is felt.

2) Give and receive. This is not attack and defend. Good communication is when you both can give and receive from each other. Any feelings of defensiveness or knee-jerk reactions block communication. If you expect your partner to receive your feedback or opinion you need to be able to receive theirs as well. Think of the “information” piece here as something personal about your feelings – rather than “information” about how you perceive your spouse has failed in some way. Another way to give to each other is to validate each other’s feelings. This is not pacifying the other person. Validation is where you value what the other person feels. Validation is something to give and receive, not demand or take.

3) Be close. Verbal communication is great but you need to be physically close.  When you are physically present with each other you can see the reactions, feelings, and the mood in each other’s body. Being close helps you to be physically close, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and romantically. Text, email, and electronic means is limited. Marriage is important, it deserves attention and closeness.

Talking with each other is really a gift to offer. But it does take consistency and intentionality to improve it.

What is one way you can offer communication to your spouse tonight?

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1 is 2 Many: Protecting Your Children From Sexual Abuse

May is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and in this article we’re going to unpack some helpful information parents need to know.

What Parents Need to Know about Sexual Abuse

Here are some stats parents should be aware of:

  • According to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey in 2010 nearly 1 out of 5 women and 1 out of 21 men have been raped, sexually assaulted, or sexually coerced in their lifetime.
  • A 2000 report by the Bureau of Justice Statistics Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement found the following:
    • 67% of all reported cases of sexual assault were victims under the age of 18.  And, more than half of all juvenile cases were children under the age of 12.
    • 1 out of 7 victims of sexual assault were under age 6.

Continue Reading

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